Moving

Not that I have updated this blog in many moons, but I have moved to another location for the time being. I have high hopes that I will be able to increase output quite a bit.

Join me!

http://shelbyrgray.wordpress.com

World War III?!?

Today I had CNN on television (yes, I know, of all the 'news' sources....). The headline at the bottom of the screen read in large, bold, red, hard Roman font 'Is it World War III?' The segment was a poll on the street (a weekend reporter) asking folks in New York if they got the impression that this is World War III, and what is the world coming to?

The responses (at least those that were seen fit to air), were an overwhelming vote to the favor of carnage that is ripping the Earth up. Apparently, New Yorkers feel that Israel attacking Hezbollah/Lebanon, represents a global battle.

I find it ridiculous and sad that this war on the other side of the world is to be considered a 'World War.' I don't know whether the station simply aired the affirmative responses in order to try and make things seem more interesting, or if the denizens of the Empire State actually are so fargone from struggles of yesteryear that they actually feel the world is about to return to mass strife. I suspect the former. Either way, the fact that a single person would view this as a war on a massive scale frightens me about our country.

The most horrifying response was that of a man who was nearly in tears, asking 'What is this world coming to? Of course this is World War III!" Is he serious? I mean, what IS the world coming to? No superpowers are even NEAR war for the first time in nearly a hundred years. Did this inept individual not learn about, well, history in school? Perhaps he would like to hear of the fall of Troy, Alexander's conquest of the then-known world, the rise of the Roman Empire, Ghengis Khan's take of Mongolia, the tribal Russian wars of old, the invasions between the Germanic tribes into north Saxon, the Visigoth seige of Rome, the Crusades, the Dark Ages, the Spanish Armada, the rise of the British navy, the wars in the New World, the takeover of America, the Russo-Japanese war, World War I, World War II, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, the Cold War.....to name some major events in Western culture. But what IS the world coming to?

It seems that in the wake of the Greatest Generation, we lost something with the coming of the Baby Boomers and their descendents. We were doing so well throughout the fifties and into the sixties. What happened that everyone decided that peacefulness was the only way the world could be, and anything further was madness? I'm not advocating war, but in the history of earth, the skirmish between Israel and Lebanon is par for the course.

World War III - what a ridiculous conjecture. When France surrenders or major cities in more than 2 countries fall under conflict, we will then discuss a world war. Until then, report the flipping news.

My Dream about the Beatles

>lorna<: how is that even possible when you don't listen to them?

>lorna<: or was it an epiphany sort of dream?

>lorna<: have you seen the light?!

shelbygray06: Because I heard a song on the way home

shelbygray06: No, I'm afraid not.

shelbygray06: But it was odd

>lorna<: =(

>lorna<: what happened?

shelbygray06: What are the names of the movies they have done/

shelbygray06: ?

>lorna<: um

>lorna<: hard day's night, help, uh...

>lorna<: i don't know?

>lorna<: Because the dream was like one of those

shelbygray06: HARD DAY'S NIGHT

>lorna<: have you watched them?

shelbygray06: No

shelbygray06: But that's the song I heard

shelbygray06: And I thought it was a movie.

shelbygray06: OK.

>lorna<: hard day's night is hysterical

shelbygray06: In the dream

shelbygray06: I was John Lennon.

shelbygray06: But....

shelbygray06: well....

>lorna<: COOL!

shelbygray06: This is so cheesy.

shelbygray06: We weren't quite the beatles.

>lorna<: it's okay, i like cheese

shelbygray06: You know muppet babies?

>lorna<: ...

shelbygray06: We were 4.

>lorna<: you were the beatle babies?

shelbygray06: Yes.

>lorna<: HAHAHAHA

shelbygray06: And we lived in a loft, in a barn, in the country in the north east.

shelbygray06: With hay stacks and everything.

>lorna<: wow

shelbygray06: And I had to go to Berkeley, where I was going to do a solo recording

shelbygray06: (At the age of 4)

shelbygray06: And so, naturally, I went there.

>lorna<: naturally

shelbygray06: By flying the Beatle Copter.

>lorna<: LOLOL

shelbygray06: (At the age of 4, cross country)

shelbygray06: Well, I got there, I did the gig, and I owned it.

shelbygray06: (I mean, I make a convincing 4 year old John Lennon).

shelbygray06: BUT

shelbygray06: As I was leaving

shelbygray06: (And here it starts to get weird)

shelbygray06: Monsters show up.

>lorna<: are you sure it wasn't yoko ono?

shelbygray06: They have been living below the earth's crust for years and years, but my song woke them up.

shelbygray06: No silly.

>lorna<: HAHAHA

shelbygray06: She was the little girl that never blew her nose in the playground.

>lorna<: YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS IS THE WEIRDEST EVER

shelbygray06: We didn't talk to her in my dream.

shelbygray06: Because she is yucky

>lorna<: good

shelbygray06: BACK TO MY STORY

>lorna<: okay

shelbygray06: Anyway, so they come out of the ground.

shelbygray06: And they eat people.

>lorna<: naturally

shelbygray06: Well, being the good Beatle Baby I am, I grab as many people as possible and fly back to my loft barn house to get Paul, George, and the stupid one who eats glue (Ringo)

shelbygray06: (Note - I AM NOT MAKING ANY OF THIS UP - I SWEAR THIS IS THE DREAM.)

>lorna<: I AM LAUGHING SO HARD KEEP GOING

shelbygray06: We get there, and we know the monsters are going to make their way east.

shelbygray06: And they only come out at night (which actually came up later in the dream, and I have no idea how I know, but that is neither here nor there.)

shelbygray06: So, being the good beatles we are, we have to stop them.

shelbygray06: So, we get our caretaker (Dave from Alvin and the Chipmunks)

shelbygray06: And formulate a plan.

shelbygray06: We are going to build high houses on platforms that the monsters cannot get to.

shelbygray06: And we do.

shelbygray06: Well, as we all know, they make it east.

shelbygray06: And we are in our 20 foot huts.

shelbygray06: When they come, Paul jumps down.

shelbygray06: And shoots lasers out of his eyes, taking out the first one.

shelbygray06: That's when I wake up - because that's too weird even for my subconsious.

I Hate This Post

I really do. I rarely use this blog, only when I feel I have to write and get something out. But when I made it, I promised myself it wouldn't be only for complaining. Yet, I find myself needing to write to get something out. And it is complaining.

So I am..

So screw off.

Everything is just so....hard right now. My job is a beast. I know that a lot of people get down about their job. It is to be expected. But, I think I have a beef. I have not had off since Christmas Day. I didn't go into the office Monday Dec 26, but I did spend a few hours working my email.

I work EVERYDAY. I am the lowest paid person doing that. I took a paycut for this job. So, it can be understood that I am having a tough time. I am of the understanding that we are supposed to have the option of if we wish to work on Sundays. But no. My boss is making sure that we get to work.

I don't mind working. It is something to do. And we are busy right now. But I need something in life that I can look forward to.

Another big deal - my whole job consists of solving problems caused by others - and I'm good at it. But when I tell them everyday for 2 weeks that we are just grossly understaffed, believe me. There is a reason all these problems are happening.

...................

This is all what makes me angry. But really and truly, I'm not angry. If I were angry, it would be hard to use this blog. My whole outlook is sad right now.

When I took this job, I figured that it would be a good opportunity to see the nation, make a good living, and get my mind right. After the job is over, my options will be expansive - I will have a good amount sitting in my coffers, I will be a better rounded person, as the hard work is a character builder. I will have been able to travel.

After my term, I can go back to school. Or I will have built the foundations of a career, that I really do kind of enjoy. Or I can start a business that I can build. Or I can go overseas and work. Any of these seem possible.

But yesterday, it hit me, one of the things that are really bothering me, and I always kind of knew, but I never conceptualized. My coworker has been deployed to Baltimore. He will be there a week from monday. I am next in line for deployment. I could go a week from now, or 2 weeks, or Wednesday. I knew this was the deal, but until Friday, it never actually hit me.

But I now have something I haven't had in a while (other than my roommate) - fantastic friends.

Last summer I had the best time I had in years. I started hanging out with two of my regulars at Starbucks, and realized that, before I knew it, I was spending most of my time with them.

At the time I brushed it off as nothing, I had made a mental resolve to not ever get close to anyone again - that I was better off without depending on people, or having them depend on me for anything. And I was fine with this outlook.

No go - in the last several months, I have become closer to these people than I can remember in years. I allowed them past all my emotional defenses that I had put up, allowed them to infiltrate the shell I had put up. I was pseudo aware of this, but kept telling myself that I would find a way to sabotage this friendship, a way to get rid of them, make them hate me, find a way to dislike them, anything.

I just couldn't do it. I have come to find that the one thing I do look to is seeing them, talking with them, doing that which I find more valuable than anything else - spending time. It is invigorating and wonderful, to care for people and feel cared for in return.

Thus the pain right now. I remember that the worst thing that ever happened in high school for me was not puberty, or girls, or a trip to Austria, or mediocre grades, etc. It was saying goodbye to those people I had grown up with and learned to rely on the most, ending a 13 year run of comraderie going our separate ways. One day I was in my regular, comfortable classes, the next I was torn out of my nest, finding that I would never see most of these people again.

My only comfort was that I would not have to face that truth again, that although I was leaving, as were they, I would make it. Because I could not possibly ever be close to people like that again, it just wasn't possible. I mean, sure, I would have friends for the rest of my life, but never so close, I would never let someone in like that again.

I am now looking at repeating the same action, and it is crushing my heart. Once I am deployed, there is a good chance I won't make it back home until mid to late summer. By then, they will have gone off to their respective universities. The most contact I may have with my friends will be via this damned contraption that affords only visual conversation without real time. I will not be able to take part in their lives, nor them in mine.

It chokes me up writing these facts - the realization that it's almost over. They say that all good things must come to an end, as if a cliche can make it all better, but it just can't. I don't want it to end - it seems like a cruel joke by some higher power to, after years of keeping people at a comfortable distance, not committing to the give and take required in any relationship past cordial conversation, that I people could come along to wipe that all away. Only to have that wiped away.

I realize that this is cheesy, sentimental. But it's been building for weeks upon weeks now, slowly, as I progress to the time I leave, it feels that my heart beats slightly slower, just a bit heavier. So I will not apologize again for this post - it was either explode or express, and I don't want to explode yet.

Pensions

I was watching World News Tonight, and 2 stories caught my attention. One was on pensions. Today, Verizon announced that it would halt the funding of the pension plans to 10000 managers worldwide to save 3 billion dollars over the next 10 years.

The story went on to tell us that this is becoming a trend among the United States workplace, with companies in financial danger seeking cost cutting programs. Instead, most companies employ a 401(k) program as a retirement. Many companies still match employees payments into 401(k) to a threshold (my company, for example, offers up to 3%).

Verizon, per ABC News, is different - they are financially stable. In fact, over the last year (?) they have made 4 billion dollars in profit. (I am unsure if it was the last year or the last 3 years - that is quite a bit of profit in such a short amount of time - it is possible that the news meant revenue).

Anyhow - it went on to interview workers that would be affected by these cuts in pension spending. They were, of course, outraged. They felt that Verizon shouldn't do such a thing, because "it isn't like they can't afford it." Or "this is just corporate america picking on the everyday worker."

And, of course, the media was siding with these workers. Which is where I get my gripe.

A pension plan is a form of benefit (such as insurance), which is part of the compensation package of an employee. Now I have no, repeat, NO problem with employees being upset that a prior agreed upon benefit and compensation has been taken away. The employer is going back on their agreement.

I DO, however, take major issue to the idea that they have been victimized. What a disgusting word, victimized. The root of the word, victim, has an even more putrid sound to it.

vic·tim (vktm) n.
...

3. One who is harmed by or made to suffer from an act, circumstance, agency, or condition: victims of war.
4. A person who suffers injury, loss, or death as a result of a voluntary undertaking: You are a victim of your own scheming.
5. A person who is tricked, swindled, or taken advantage of: the victim of a cruel hoax.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.


Why would anyone want to be called this? Why does our culture love to make the 'working or poor' class out to be the victim of the big, bad industry and corporation? I have never, ever been a victim of ANYTHING in my life. God willing, I never will be.

No, faithful reader, these workers are not victims. We live in a relatively capitalist society. The concept that the media and these workers fail to realize is that the worker has fantastic power. Tremendous power. Power that can affect the corporation in such ways that the corporation has affected the worker.

QUIT IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH YOUR COMPENSATION, FIND ANOTHER JOB. If you feel you deserve a pension and that you require one to do your job, as compensation, then find a company willing to pay it. Don't whine and moan about how you've been taken advantage of. You haven't. Your company has made an economical decision that happens to affect your compensation. If you feel that compensation is not in line with your product (and you are, as an employee, selling a product), then sell it elsewhere.

The final part of the story which burned me so bad was 'expert testimony.' The interviewees were a woman from the Pension Protection Center and another woman from the Retirement Advocacy Committee.

Both, of course, explained to the US Workers that this was a dastardly way of corporate America to squash the little guy.

The final woman went so far as to say that it would make it harder for people to retire, since most people 'are bad about saving for such thing.'


........



HOW IS THAT THE CONCERN OF INDUSTRY? Seriously, folks. Why should these corporations concern themselves with people being 'bad about saving for such things?" It isn't the responsibility of 'Corporate America' to save for your future. It is your responsibility to save for your future.

In closing, I would like to point one thing out about the national economics and reasoning behind these stories (which we are seeing more and more). The most populace generation currently living in America, the Baby Boomers, are around a decade from retirement. The strain on the economy, but, more importantly, their pocket books is going to be enormous. Seems to me that they have a vested interest in such things.

If America makes it through the end of the days of the Baby Boomers, we might just be OK.

For the second time...

...this week, I started a series of posts, and was finishing up on them, when I got into 2 long conversations with friends. I swear - it just happens this way.

Oh well - I will try to update again later.

Creativity

I have a few posts that I would like to make, but they are in need of editing, so I shall keep them in draft form.

It has come to my mind that I have never had any training in creative writing. None whatsoever. I have never written a short story, not once. Everything I know about writing is in the formal essay method. I find this to be so very sad.

So, to practice creative writing, I will require myself to post a short story (it must be short, of course) either here or on the Xanga (which would conserve some room). I think this would be a start, what about you?

Now let's see if I uphold this.

Bed

Yes, I know that with two posts longer than 2 paragraphs, I have gotten you excited about reading my musings on my favorite subject, me. But it is 3:15 AM - and I am exhausted. I also hope to have a reasonably productive day tomorrow - so I must sleep now. But stick around - there WILL be more!

Tennessee

I just returned from a week long expedition to Tennessee, where I was helping my friend Lindsay and her new husband, Brent, move to their new apartment. They are living there because Brent is a student at UT Knoxville. It is really fairy tale, their whole relationship.

But this blog is about me, no them, so I shan't bore you any longer with their life story. It is me who we are focusing on, ok? (Linz and Brent - don't take it personally, you know I love ya'll!).

So a trip like that, which involves 2 separate 12+ hour drives, hours moving things out of a moving van, sleeping on a couch in a living room, etc., one can expect to do quite a bit of soul searching, self analysis, mental housekeeping, etc. And I did....

Some of the things I found about myself I like, some I dislike and hope to change. Some are things I knew already, but am just now building the courage to face, confront, and solve. For the next few entries, the blog will mainly be about my findings this week. Don't get me wrong - I have a few other things to talk about, which are completely different from these happenings - but I will warn you, my faithful reader, which post pertains to the TN trip. I will also let you know when I am finished with all this.

So be ready to read - some of this will definitely be essay form, and not short, 30 minute essay test either.

Alright

So I lied...big deal. I assure you, I had every intention of putting out at least 5 or 6 really good, long, deep blogs. But when I got home (from TCU, visiting Cole), I got distracted by an immensely interesting conversation. So I am just now making it to Blogger, at 3:06 AM. So I don't have much for you - oh well.

Bite me - this is my blog, I'll update when I damn well please. Stimulating conversation will ALWAYS trump me updating. If you don't like it, tough, stop reading.

No....wait - I didn't mean that. Come back. I want you to stay. Seriously. I shouldn't have said that. It was mean hearted. I like you hear. I want you to read what I have to say.

Please don't leave. I just don't want you to get angry because I can't keep up with the blog like I would like. But really - 2 hours or so of talk - that's pretty cool, and doesn't happen too much these days. So of course you understand, my loyal readers. I will give what I can!

Quickly

Alrighty. I've been in TN for several days, working my tail off. The good news is, though, that I go home tomorrow and I have my laptop back. So I can resume my regular updates. Which will be good - because handwriting journal entries is SOOOOOlast decade.

Long Time

I know, I know - been a long time since I have blogged. Weeks, that is. But oh well - I apologize for NOTHING.

Actually, I have found that my thoughts are muddled lately - I am unsure why. For a while, this blog was effective in organizing them, but I quit for a bit. I should be getting my laptop in a few days - perhaps that will help. Otherwise, we will see. I will try to blog a bit more. I have some things to takl about - some are going into my journal, some will be here. I will do what I can.

But not tonight - I have had about 10-15 hours of sleep since Friday - so my muddledness is understandable.

Galveston

So I am going to Galveston today. I have many things I have wanted to post, however, I have been quite busy with both work and completing the Harry Potter novel (I have done so). It is very unlikely that I will have any significant computer access until Monday, thus, I will remain quiet here.

However, upon my return, I full expect to pick up again and have several new entries. Until then, wish me safety from the sun, sharks, and hermit crabs.

Friday Evening Revisited

It seems my post regarding the evening of July 17, 2005 caused consternation. That was not my intention. In fact, it was a pleasant evening. If I felt that it hadn't, I'd like to think I could make a post much more caustic than that.

This evening (not the previous)

Tonight I went to a wedding shower. I was anxious about it, as I often am about such things. It turned out to be a very nice evening. Confusing; one might say vexing, but nice nonetheless.

I shan't go into detail here, as it is a public board. Instead I will have to diary this evening.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

After my friend's wedding shower, a group of us went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I had high hopes for the movie. I am a fan of both Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the movie from 1971) and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the book by Roald Dahl. All three of the latter mentioned works are terrific.

But not the new movie. It was utterly disappointing. It failed to provoke laughter, the story was choppy, and it was full of Burton stylization, but lacked depth. It looked nice, but just didn't make a good movie.

Further, I expected a stricter adaptation from the book, something that I would recognize as Dahl. Whatever the atrocity I saw on screen tonight was, I have never read it.

Rush

"Limelight"

Living on a lighted stage
Approaches the unreal
For those who think and feel
In touch with some reality
Beyond the gilded cage

Cast in this unlikely role,
Ill-equipped to act
With insufficient tact
One must put up barriers
To keep oneself intact

Living in the limelight
The universal dream
For those who wish to seem

Those who wish to be
Must put aside the alienation
Get on with the fascination
The real relation
The underlying theme

Living in a fisheye lens
Caught in the camera eye
I have no heart to lie
I can’t pretend a stranger
Is a long-awaited friend

All the world’s indeed a stage
And we are merely players
Performers and portrayers
Each another’s audience
Outside the gilded cage

The Previous Evening

Last night I went out after a long day at work. I was already tired. I fear that it was obvious. I must admit, because I find this to be a character flaw. When I am tired, I become extra cynical, uncomfortable in public, and just a shell of myself. I don't defend the way I become, and if I could put on the guise of my normal self, I would. It really is quite unfortunate, because I felt like a wet blanket all night long.

We went to Moni's, an Italian restaurant that had been highly recommended. It was good. I can't rant about it, 1) because the dish I ordered was unspectacular - it was shrimp, pasta, lemon butter and garlic. I should have ordered something different. 2) Italian food from anywhere generally doesn't impress me. It is the kind of food that everyone probably has a preference of restaurant before hand, and will thus be cynical toward any other (though my cynical mood was quite enhanced, as I have pointed out). I mean, my favorites are still Piccollo Mondo and Siciliano's. Those two are my treats for Italian cuisine. It would be a lot to break that.

But still, Moni's was very good. It was a nice atmosphere, very friendly service and good food. I shall have to return, and pick a better dish with which to judge them, such as, perhaps, canneloni.

From there I was taken to a pet shop - not the large, pet megamart type place, such as Petsmart, rather the smaller, more traditional, puppy mill supporting establishment. When I found where we were going, my heart sank. These places are horrible. They procure their animals from irreputable breeders who keep their animals in detestable conditions. Entering the store was like walking into a youth AIDS ward. The puppies were in small cages, with no flooring to protect their sensitive feet. They were given water via a hamster bottle (the larger golden retriever was lapping thirstily for quite a while). These are not happy places, and, in my opinion, the industry should be much more strictly regulated.

From here, we went to retrieve a movie from the house of one of our party. It was quite an experience, though I fear I may have made it more of one than it ought to have been. Oh well. No big deal, I suppose.

We then went to see Cade at Starbucks, who was wearing his new, GQ clothing. He looked very nice. I considered once dressing up more for work, though I decided not to. I get too dirty and nasty during work to wear nice clothes - I would prefer comfort over looks while there, and save the looks for later.

We finally went to watch the movie, Amelie, which I have detailed earlier. It was so very good, though I need to watch it several more times to absorb it better. We also went to purchase the new Harry Potter book (which I have started, it is already intriguing).

3 times along this journey, strange events took place. They involved bubbles. I was quite perplexed by the whole thing. Perhaps it was the mood brought on by my being tired, but I just didn't understand the whole thing. I felt like a wet blanket here more than any other time, which was quite sad. I wanted to enjoy the bubbles as others did.....but they were bubbles. I've seen them many, many times. The fact that they were streaming out of a car window did not change that they were bubbles. I feel sad that I couldn't enjoy them, as though I am missing a simple life pleasures that all others recognize, but not the callous Shelby. Oh well, I suppose I should prepare for other such disappointments and cherish those pleasures that I can grasp.

Anyhow, I then came home, got online for just a moment, and went to bed. Rather uneventful evening, but for some reason it was significant to me.

Under

It has been a bit colder than usual the past few days in my house. 3 nights ago, I left my fan on a bit high, and it created a cold, dry draft. I now have that raw feeling in the back of my nose. It is quite uncomfortable, and in my experience, this feeling can lead to more serious illness.

It doesn't help that yesterday was a very long day. I went to sleep at about 1AM, awoke at 7AM for work, laboured exhaustively at work until 4PM. I went home, changed, let Angel out, and went to get my hair cut. I then came home and rushed to get some laundry done and clean myself up. The power went out in my house and without my knowledge, turned off my dryer.

I then had more of an evening (which I will go into more detail with in my next post), though I was already exhausted. Anyhow, I came home and stayed awake a bit longer (until about 2) and finally went to sleep. I awoke around 7:30 to let Angel out, fell back asleep until 9:30, awoke (though I was groggy) and tried to read. I again fell asleep, and am finally up (got up at 11:30). I still fill tired, sore and under the weather, but I also still have a long day.

Amelie

Amelie is a very good French film that I had the privilege to see last night. Those who insisted I see it were right - I will most likely keep coming back to the movie and smiling about it for a week.

The character was amazing, the look of the movie was attractive, and the story was very touching. I can see this movie quickly finding a place on my top ten list, regardless of the shame it will cause me to have to bump another.

I don't, however, appreciate it melting my heart. It comes better frozen.

The Eagles

"Seven Bridges Road"

There are stars
In the Southern sky
Southward as you go
There is moonlight
And moss in the trees
Down the Seven Bridges Road

Now I have loved you like a baby
Like some lonesome child
And I have loved you in a tame way
And I have loved you wild

Sometimes there's a part of me
Has to turn from here and go
Running like a child from these warm stars
Down the Seven Bridges Road

There are stars in the Southern sky
And if ever you decide
You should go
There is a taste of time sweetened honey
Down the Seven Bridges Road